Quick Fiction: “So, you’re telling me you’re not having an affair with another man?”


“So, you’re telling me you’re not having an affair with another man?” Smirking like he knew I was full of bullshit, my husband said this, then tipped his head to one side in that self-righteous way that makes me want to castrate him with a pair of blunt scissors.

“No,” I said, and continued to scrub the stainless steel stove top with Vilex Kitchen Cleaner and a scrubbing sponge.

“So where have you been all week? You’re here in the morning, the house is a mess. Then you’re gone in the afternoon, and the house is still a mess.”

I could offer up a number of explanations and make them all sound reasonable. But the truth was, I wanted to slap him senseless for bringing up house work like that was my only worth.

I turned. Dante still had his head cocked to the right; his eyes still wide and self-righteous.


“Dante darling, I’m not seeing someone else. I married…you. I made a commitment.”

“Then, explain why you come home smelling of another man’s aftershave.”

I dropped the scrubbing sponge into the kitchen sink full of hot water and soap bubbles, and walked towards the bedroom. I didn’t need to rummage. I pulled a glossy printout from my handbag and unfolded it. I showed it to Dante and waited for his questions.

“This is an ad asking for local acting talent. What are you telling me? You don’t act.” Dante had never been a man who coped well with loss of control.

“I applied and got a role.”

Dante gasped, then tried to calm his laughter. “As what?”

“My bum is a perfect match for Laura Grayson’s. She’s shooting a movie and needed a stunt bum for her romantic scenes.”

“What…Laura Grayson? She’s really famous.”

“Yes, well… at least someone is finally interested in my bum.”

My husband’s face clenched. His dull eyes said everything. He knew he had never been a particularly intimate man, even before we married.

I plunged my hand into the sink full of water and found the scrubbing sponge. I smiled to myself and thought of my sexy lover, Franco. He would laugh so hard when I told him that his ‘bum double’ story and glossy homemade printout had worked.

Humbly written by X